As Regina King continues to navigate grief following her son’s suicide in 2022, the Oscar-winning actor reveals how she found solace and community with a group of fellow grieving mothers.
“One of the things I’ve learned on this journey is that gratitude and sadness are not mutually exclusive; they’re always working at the same time,” the star of Netflix’s Shirley says in an interview for Harper’s Bazaar’s April 2024 cover story. “I just have to navigate this. Sometimes it’s minute by minute.”
Ian Alexander Jr., whom King shared with ex-husband Ian Alexander Sr., died two years ago. The actor explains why it was so important to speak to other moms who had gone through similar situations.
“I’m aware when I talk to other mothers—and I hate that we share this because I feel like I don’t want anyone to share this, but because we do share it, they have just taught me so much,” she says. “Having those women in my life reminding me of the importance of not isolating—because it’s really easy to isolate, especially when the majority of people in the world have no idea whatsoever of this level of grief.”
King also understands that her grief journey won’t be linear, and won’t ever end. “Talking to women who are like, ‘It’s not going to go away.’ At least I know that,” King explains. “One thing that I feel like every mother that I talk to feels like is that no one could have prepared me for this. No one told me this part. There’s something about them, 11 years, 12 years later—the grief is still there. So at least I know. I do know that. And I think even without them telling me that, I feel that inside. I think they just confirmed that for me. I read somewhere that grief is love with no place to go, and I was like, ‘Huh … yeah … that does sum it up in some way.’ ”
Elsewhere in the interview, King describes witnessing her son’s struggle with depression.
“I feel like I am in a place now where my faith has really been challenged. … That idea that what you put into it is what you get back—it’s been proven to me that that’s not necessarily true,” she says. “When I look at all of the work and everything that we and Ian put into trying to move through the depression … I mean, he’s pure joy and pure light. … But he was struggling so much. We knew. We knew what we were going through, but he never presented that way. That’s why I know that a smile doesn’t always mean happy. He would never not let whoever he was with feel like they were the most special person in the world. So for me, I’m like, ‘Man, he was putting a lot into things, a lot into people, a lot into this world, and yet it wasn’t translating back.’ ”
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988, or go to 988lifeline.org.
